This is to the love I think I've lost. Because I "only think" I've lost you.
I "only think" because I refuse to believe you are gone forever. Because while everyone tells me to move on, I know your heart better than anyone else knows your brain.
I "only think" because if there is any justice at all in this Universe, the stars will aligned to bring you back to me just like they brought me back to you in this life that night in December we met, when I said "God it's so cold" and you said "Well, cold is relative".
I "only think" because despite the feeling of betrayal because you picked the worst timing ever to do this, I understand you had to do it so I could "wake up".
I "only think" because we are twin flames and we lived thousands of lives together. And we did amazing things in all of them. Because we have a bigger purpose and our love is supposed to move the galaxies around us. Because the planets bend between us. Because gravity is nothing but a light push when we're together.
I "only think" because the first time you said "I love you" was in an envelope on Valentine's Day using the Stargate show alphabet and I still have it on my fridge.
I "only think" because I know this was the only tool you had to get some good out of a bad situation, and once you realize that the way I react is also the only tool I think I have, you will feel compassion for my situation. Because it's not my only tool, just like this is not the only tool you'll find out you have.
I "only think" because I realized that without you, I'm ok. And that we are supposed to balance each other. Not over-give or overtake. And that I can still love you even if we're not together now, which I thought I was not capable of.
I "only think" because I see now that relationships are not perfect and all of the time and effort I spent trying to make our relationship perfect didn't let me see that it was already perfect. And that people can still go on after a break.
I "only think" because our movie theater nights followed by walks in downtown won't ever be replaced. Our Chinese restaurant and the esoteric shop will always tell you that you know our story is not over yet.
I "only think" because the terrifying fear that you will replace me soon with a new love or a brief one-night-stand is smaller than the certainty that you're also, somehow, in your own way, waiting for me.
I "only think" because I know I don't have to be fixed first to be with you. You can join me in this walk. We can go through the bumps and the ups and downs and still survive individually without depending on each other, but still being there for each other.
I "only think" because you always said you love me so much since day one that I know that you must have had a very good reason to make this very hard decision for us.
I "only think" because December won't ever be the same without you.
I "only think" because my brain cells are constantly vibrating you and I experienced "The Secret" enough this year and I know that it's not bullshit.
I "only think" because I know you love me.
I "only think" because true love always finds a way.
Knock on my door.
I'll be here.
I'll be waiting.
And please don't give up before I get better.